This kept my mind entertained at work today. It’s only funny if you know who these people are and can imagine actually hearing the conversation for itself (especially Mr. Lyman’s voice, which always sounds enthusiastic, boisterous, and fun).
Mr. Lyman: Hi Samuel! How are you today?
Samuel Huang: not bad, how are you?
ML: I’m having a shitty day! a VERY shitty day! (knocks hands on table) Why, today could possibly be one of the shittiest days of my very life!
SH: Why’s that?
ML: Ah, Samuel, it just seems that nobody gives a fuck! Why, I woke up today and as i was biking to school I realized that nobody gives a fuck about physics, or education, or myself, or each other! Imagine that! Nobody gives a fuck about Mr. Michael Hubert Wendy Frameshift Doppelbock Lyman! Nobody gives a fuck about politics, or society, or art, or science or music! Simply nobody gives a fuck about flying squirrels or terrycloth bedrobes or garden gnomes or space elevators!
SH: Your middle name is Wendy?
ML: Yes, but no matter, for nobody gives a fuck! Nobody except you, Samuel! This is why I treasure your class so much. Nobody pays attention in class except you and that Weesner kid, and he only does so to confabulate on the front lawn at lunchtime with the other titular intellectuals! Why, just the last week I observed him philosophating with that ruffian Zeitlin about the most grandiose trivialities imaginable!
SH: Mr. Lyman, don’t you mean philosophizing?
ML: No! Do you know what philosophating is, Samuel? It is barbaric! One obtains a gram or so pure philosophate and ingests it through the ear! Philosophate is a potent and very selective stimulant that binds to the neurons of the brain that cause philosophical thinking! Why, it’s no accident that Socrates first isolated and purified Sodium Philosophate in the late 16th century. Without his philosophating, nobody would have ever invented the Cotton Gin!
(as far as i got…)
